Monday, December 31, 2007

Terror

No new year resolutions yet. Have to sit down and write. Not blogged in ages but blame OMANTEL for that.

New word for the day

Tortilicious.

It refers to being tortured by the idea that your folks are gonna find out about that *bad* thing you're doing, but feeling delicious while you're doing it.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Farewell.

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Lyrics: Chris Daughtry - Home lyrics

I'm flying out on the 19th of December. Might be back next year or not, I really don't know. It was a really fast decision, and I'm going home. Back to what I once ran away from and I have made my peace with now.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Childhood.



This one is for Walder. Because she drives me crazy singing. And it reminds me of the time i cried my heart out when Simba lost his dad. And watching movies with Brian. And cartoons. And balloons. And Hide and seek. Sadness is coming :(

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Insomaniac

Every night I struggle with myself. To sleep or not to sleep. The moment my tired eyes give in and let go, my brain gets into a frenzy and pictures the most horrific things, to make me jolt awake, light up, sit down and do crazy things like BLOG. At 3 am. Or mindlessly watch the idiot box.

I swear my health and happiness is getting affected. Its a constant struggle, two parts of my mind warring for those precious 8 hours.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I don't know what I want

I sound like so many of the others no.

Don't know what I want, don't know what I can do, Can't make up my mind, think I'm good at everything if i want to do something types.

I'm going crazy wondering just what is it I want from life.

I'm going crazy finding someone I want too, but lets not make my sad social life the object of this discourse, I might go and buy vodka and sleep all through tomorrow and the rest of my life too. Or even worse, I might go give Cadbury their highest sales ever in a day.

Either of which does not seem to be a good option so...

But yes, career. Let's not talk about that either, I feel kaka.

I'm so going out to buy a lovely new pair of shoes. I have these huge duck type, left leg scarred in childhood mishap kind of feet. No kidding. I talk to my feet because I have never seen feet like mine. I love them !

Then again I don't look at men's feet, if i did, I might find a sole mate.

I want to learn how to play the piano. No, seriously. I didn't bother about it when I was younger and mum hounded me, and now sometimes, when i hear instrumental songs, while I'm on hold for the umpteenth time with some psycho, I tend to drift away in my thoughts. Everything goes still and i can feel the music vibrate inside me. Perhaps its the awfully high volume on the phone, or maybe I'm just clawing at some alternative means of entertainment at my boring job, but, Oh that music is heaven. I feel sorry now, for my piano teacher. I don't know what he goes through everyday, listening to teenagers mutilate Swan Lake. I killed it.

Hey you nice people who read my blog, please tell me what you see me doing ten years from now. It's always easier to imagine other people doing things, that you just know are right for them. Don't try and foist YOUR unattainable dreams on me. I do not ever want to wear green fur, kiss a doggy's butt crack, become a stripper, shine shoes, walk the ramp in excruciatingly painful heels that look like the neon monster puked over them, sing the Opera...oh well..you get the point.

Leave some nice suggestions though, I NEED a laugh. No really.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Honesty

Honesty can get you to a lot of places.

Some of them not so good.

Seriously, how many people lie on their resumes ? I don't. I'm not proud of it. I can't think of one thing to twist and fabricate and invent euphemisms for.

A friend asked me today, if you found a gold ornament on the ground, what would you do ? Pat came the answer, I'd keep it; obviously. Then she asks me, what if you found it in the office. I'd keep it, obviously !!!

Mum n dad raised me well, so where the heck did that answer come from ?

So many times i lie to people when I don't want to answer the phone, I insist i was asleep, or the phone was on silent, when all I was doing was reading, or surfing the net, or watching Ugly Betty, or listening to my favourite song and i just didn't want to spoil the moment.

Small, white lies. Big, nasty horrible lies. Past one year I didn't lie much. I just avoided people !

How far can honesty get you? I believe that a lie or a series of lies can get you only so far, after that you'd better go in for plastic surgery, liposuction and an " Art of living" course.

How many lies have YOU told today ?

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Vanity

I really have to get rid of this black pink green hideous you dont rock my world look.Too much work. Let it be :D

You know you're fattest when your blog has THE word twice and your google ads talk about flushing the fat away. Have mercy !

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Sonia Faleiro

The single girl, living alone.

Mad girl

Doesnt know what it is not to worry and still manages to screw things up and tempt fate to give her more reasons to worry.

Thinks that someday all her dreams will come true, problem is, she doesnt know WHAT those dreams are.

Loves mankind but hates people.

Thinks she cant when she can, and can when she can't.

Thinks icecream might help the weight loss.

Loves family but avoids them like the plague.

Would walk a million miles for her sibling, but beat him to death if he lent out her books.

Would lend a book, to do someone a favour and then curse them to oblivion for not returning the book back, when she's forgotten who's taken it in the first place.

Thinks everything in ice pink, baby pink or pink looks good.

Abhors almost everything about herself and yet is an almost elitist.(phrase i coined myself)

Loves the language and reading so much she's afraid she cna never make a career of it because she will never be good enough.

Complains that the detergents dont smell the same as they used to.

Cant tolerate people with acne, but doesnt mind baby snot all over her.

Will continue this list later :D

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Beautiful Lines

Soemthing someone said

Caught at your heart and never let go

swayed in the breeze then lay still

And fell softly with the rain



Bautiful lines defining beautiful people

Like tall blades of grass

Ramrod straight yet always bending

Gracefulyl swaying, always sheltering



A passer by smiled

What a beautiful line defined

Cursive writing, childish scrawls

Frost is writing his beautiful lines



When they painstakingly criticize

The beautiful lines overwhelm you

Someday their censure will define

Your grace, your senses, your personality refine

Potatee

Every year my birthday gets weirder. Some friends remember, some are forced to remember, most just remember because of the “once a year “syndrome, so that they can do away with the obligation.

But let that be, perhaps I should thank everyone in sight that I’ve managed to survive another year. 22, only, I’m not two but one fat duckling.

I’m living life by the weekends now. Everything is reserved for a Saturday or a Sunday. Read something, meet someone do Someone/something…everything: D

Every Friday night, I’m Sheryl Crow singing All I want to do, is have some fun, I got a feeling, I’m not the only one!

And every Sunday evening I’m Bon Jovi rebelling that Someday I’ll be Saturday night L

The other day in the bus I passed by this amazing Hair Salon called…guess what...THE HAIR PORT!!

Really hair raising that! :D But English is so amazing sometimes. There is this one client of ours who once sent us a message asking us not o test his “ patient”. Even I’m running out of patients…there are no mad people in the world today.

But CHOI ! You know what you did ? Every week now I go shopping. I’m a pauper, with lovely new shoes, jewellery, bags and “fat people” clothes! You created a MONSTER. A very happy cookie kinda monster though.

It’s actually a part of the FAT race, where the fattest, fastest fat wins. The clothes, that is.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Out of the (in)box thinking

I may not have the time to read my mails these days, but i still can see through people who try to bullshit.



That didn't really come out right, but, what i meant is, I get forwarded mails too, you don't have to expound on theories or forwards that you have recieved in the mail and expect me to be impressed by your "wisdom". Especially when you claim those opinions, or wisecracks as your own.



But apart from that...howdy everyone. I'm sorry about the no blogger. It's a no brainer see, what with me working late and just pretending I have a life, no time to blog, and yes, no net for a while. I tried TV. They repeat everything and it sucks. And you occassionaly stumble onto a horror movie that you just can't resist and then cannot sleep for a month out of fear.



I finally decided to give up thinking of buying jeans AFTER i lost weight and just went and had a lovely bout of retail therapy. With Choi. The best days of my life category; those.



I no longer feel guilty about things that I'm morally required to do, but don't want to do. The twinges of guilt are absolutely disregarded. I've lived long enough doing that, now its only what I have and want to do or not, and if people can't accept that, well "It's probably me "...lovely song that..



Work is going great and well, taking life one day at a time sometimes and then again all at once. Just wishing that my dreams come true but I can't define my dreams really, so that is definitely one of the things I will be rectifying before the next birthday.



Anyways, I want to start reading again. A thousand splendid suns is a really good read.. did the usual awful thing for that one, went and sat at Crossword for three days after work to finish the book :D

Exceeds expectations as usual but so does Potter 7, which i shall leave for the next blog now...its a Saturday and its 7 pm and I'm still at work !

Saturday, June 09, 2007

She walks in sadness like the day..

There is something infintely beautiful in Lord Byron's poem, that never fails to make me cry.

Often I wonder just what it is I'm doing, and why things happen like they do. Perhaps I should have been born into a different family, where I would not be such a black sheep and my parents would be happy no matter what I did, because they would know and accept who I was.

Simon and Garfunkel keeps reverberating in my head, all their lovely songs, it used to be my dream to write like that and have someone make a song for it. I'm so funny really, i can live without the internet, and TV and walk for miles, but I cannot face life without a beautiful song or a book to read.

I may be thinking too much really, all the time i wonder about things that should have no bearing on my well being, yet they never cease to confound me, and the thoughts never ever leave me alone, not even when I'm asleep.

To be a penniless, but good writer, who would write down people's experiences for posterity, and amass a world of experience, and would have a dog, lol...that has always been what I've wanted from life.

Or then again, I tried really hard to think about being materialistic and ambitious, and i may have succeeded in making people think I am, so thats good right ? I just don't want all that. And everyone around me thinks differently. Its such a conflict of interests and either i learn to acclimatize myself and live upto peoples expectations, or just live my life the way i want to and hurt a few other people in the process. That would also rather be like I'm using them, and I'm too timid to do that.

One thing noone realises about me is that I'm painfully shy, and I'm quite good at hiding that too, until the time comes to open my mouth for the things that really mean a lot to me.


I guess it will be option two. And two roads diverged in a yellow wood .....

I'm hoping it WILL make a lot of difference.

And I have once again forgotten this blog is public. Well... whatever.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Happy Birthday!

Today was a revelation. Today was freedom. Today was rebirth.

I've finally gotten over those awful, awful times. I've learnt enough lessons to last me through the rest of my life, and I'm only 21 !

Its over. It's still getting done, nothings over till its really over, but oh, it's over.

For the first time today in over 2 years, I felt like me.

Who i used to be, playful, serious, committed, diligent and happy! I hopped, skipped, swivelled myself on the office chair and grinned at everyone.

It was wonderful. I could have been benevolent, charitable, kind and sweet to even the meanest grouch ever, and i kept grinning all day!

Everythings different, everythings changed !

Absolution. I've struggled, and fought for so hard, and suddenly the whole burden has lifted and i cna see my dreams, and think further, and joke and laugh and oh..... you get the drift.

I'm still smiling, and then while iw as returning home...oh joy of joys...there was thunder, and at last.....rain !

Years back i used to think i was born with a golden spoon in my mouth. I was wrong. It's platinum cutlery all over the place !

Oh, today there was this guy called Saptarshi who called up, and i overheard B call him septic. Turns out thats his nickname. Doesn't hold a candle to mortuary...but ahhh...not everyones blessed with a name that can't be mutilated.

Though today anything and everything is making me happy. Ever felt like this ?

Try it. Two years of torture and hating yourself and a sudden moment of bliss and happiness and forgiveness.

All your dreams will be multicolored again.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

After the rain......

It's always sunshine.

I'm incredibly happy. I just needed my mum and dad around to make me ok again, and i guess i'm back to being me now.

The curtains are up btw, chintzy, happy, green and white ones.

My laundry is getting done.

My mum and dad still love me, God's in his heaven, I'm never late for work, All's right with the world :D

I'm still waiting for the rains though.

Monsoon makes me bubbly, happy and i look like a drowned rat most of the time but what the hell, the rains let you have so much fun!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

All you who sleep tonight.

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

-- Vikram Seth

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Curtains.

I need to put curtains up. Big drapes, chintzy maybe, if my mother has her way, but something that shuts the sunlight out. And the prying eyes. I need one of those dim bulbs to help me with my insomnia. Surreal, with incense sticks, and red everywhere.

There is a stillness in the air. It's wonderful how despair turns your dreams into multi coloured, sweet smelling candy floss tinged with Vodka and lime.

Where the ideal world has clean roads, and its always snowing. And there's a dog waiting to welcome you back home, who just wants you to feed him and pet him and turns onto his back for a tickle.

I have bitten my nails into ragged uneven blades, that hurt me everytime i touch my face. I think i lost my nail cutter.

Run away...run away....run AWAY...RUN away.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Prayer




"But if, O Lord, it pleaseth Thee
To keep me in temptation's way,
I humbly ask that I may be
Most notably beset to-day;
Let my temptation be a book,
Which I shall purchase, hold and keep,
Whereon, when other men shall look,
They'll wail to know I got it cheap.''





Dime after Dime.

I have been beset my depression, guilt, fear, rebellion, depression, doldrums, oh that and all. The whole package really. and nothing seems to be changing. It's been ages now.

I'm trying very, very hard to see the goodness in everything generally, but it isn't really helping.

Maybe, someday, I'll not have any friends, and my family will disown me and this will all go away since I can't live up to my own stringent expectations, how can i please the others then ?

I think I'm giving up, and I'm struggling hard every waking moment to keep up the fight.

I've given up going to church though. Much as I know I have a lot to be thankful for, I'm not really inclined to a conversation with God. I'm afraid I'll vent my anger.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Nice Man.

I was waiting for the bus, I'm always waiting, inevitably, after a hard day's work when i just can't wait to get back home, the damn bus is always late. Terrible frequency really, and a lovely short route home.

After an interminable wait ( it seemed like that anyway, it was over 40 minutes! ) A nice editor -ish man asked me whether I'd like to share a cab ride home. Middle aged, thinning hair, slim, in a kurta, trousers, chappals and with a jhola. I didn't hesitate, just said ok. Fine, i know you guys are all screaming, no rides with strangers but hello, even i had my qualms, but then again, it was late, i was short of cash and, its the cab driver who'd be driving right ? Funny i wouldn't think twice about sharing a cab with women, make me wonder about the different, quaint notions and prejudices that i have bred .

Nice man works for a very famous ad agency, and was such a gentleman, he even opened the door of the cab for me.

We chatted about the tragedy of living in South Bombay, really everyone seems to think us awfully lucky and rich enough to afford cars but hello, do you guys know how expensive cabs here are, and the infrequent buses are torture !


He asked me where to drop me off, i hesitantly asked about my share of the fare ( I didnt have change and I didn't know if I'd get any change back from the one big note I had ) , and you know what the sweet man says ?

" Do you think I'd have taken money from her had my daughter been traveling with me ?"

Why trust people ?

Simple. Like that.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Sheepishness abounds

I had to, it was so ME !

Back to black. Until i get a super duper awesome picture to keep as a background. Remodeling isn't so much fun :( (I keep going back to Bimbette pink !)

But yes, change is good.

Today, while traveling in the bus, there was this pretty girl standing in the aisle near me. Somewhere in the middle of the hot, stuffy ride, she leaned back a little towards me, and asked me whether the seat next to us was reserved for ladies. I checked, and sure enough it was. Then, this young, healthy girl made a middle aged man get up from his seat, by insisting that since it was reserved for ladies, he-man had to give his seat up to her.

He grudgingly got up, and that was that. A few minutes later, we passed by some boutiques, and really jazzy stores, with even jazzier window displays. Many had lacy pink/ white/ black frill lingerie displayed; Oh, what an eyesore but he-man didn't think so. He was unashamedly looking at them, and he had the ' Oh i havent had sex in a while and would love to rip that thing off, even if it was off the display case' look.

The 'i stand for feminism and my share of bus seats' girl gave the man such a look of derision, i think if looks could have killed, he'd be lying on the floor stone cold dead with his legs up in the air, just like my darling Tweety, God bless her soul.

Now don't get me wrong, i totally understand when it's the end of a harried long day, and you would like to make use of the resources the Indian Govt so likes to provide the 'underpriveledged'. ( For once, its nice to know the seats weren't reserved only for the OBC's)

But here you are, agreeing, albeit unknowingly, to the fact that women are the weaker sex, and we really need to make tired men get off their seats, which in all fairness they deserve to be seated on since they got there first, while turning up your pretty nose when they go ahead and say oh wow, since you're so frail, let me make you the object of my sexual, perverted and not so nice thoughts.

Why ?

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Change.

Tell me if you like it/ hate it or share some of your superior blog re modelling skills.

I was tired of the black.

Say what ?

Yesterday, someone from the imports section came over to our cubicle, sputtering and choking and laughing his guts out. I wondered what happened, probably the poor guy succumbed to the pressure and bitching and lost his sanity, but the reason wasn't that plausible, when he actually told us what happened.

One of his customers was in a real quandary, and needed help. The problem ?

A COW ATE HIS DELIVERY ORDER !


I don't know about ROTFLMAO, but i think i jammed my keyboard with all the laughing.

Happens only in India, no ?

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Too long, too Late.

I have finally gotten around to cleaning my messy house. Which is victory in itself since a messy house reflects my messy mind, and the mind is slowly getting rid of all the cobwebs gathered.

Somehow I'm missing home more than ever today. I yearn to touch my old bookshelf, sleep on my bed, run to the hall, switch the AC on, and watch T.V.

I don't want to even call home, since i opened my bottle of body lotion yesterday and the smell reminded me so much of home, it actually was like a physical pain, deep in my stomach, and for a moment i was back home, lying on the couch, reading a book, waiting for Dad to get back home.

The weekend was ok.I went out with friends despite not having any prior plans, watched The Full Monty, oh Dear Lord, that movie rocked. Every time i go to a restaurant now I'll hope some nice men get onto the table and strut their stuff :D

I Can't even remember who i used to be three years ago. Somehow today my ideas are more formed, and definite, and i cannot for the life of me remember what i used to think about then. Is that weird ?

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Prayers



Piggy !

I was checking out people's profiles on Orkut, its one of those random things i love to do. Some people write such interesting stuff!

Like this one guy, whose things that turn him off are apparently things that are unnecessarily turned on ! LOL !

I watched The Namesake yesterday. Went out with one pal, one of the few people i think i'm changin my mind about now. Stupid me makes such presumptions about the loveliest people really.

The Namesake - I think I'm glad i didn't read the book before i watched the movie. I could watch the movie without constantly nitpicking, comparing, contradicting and finishing by being disappointed and absolutely annoyed at the Director.

Well made, and Deepa Mehta has used subtle nuances to enhance what the author probably wrote about. Kal Penn portrays Gogol Ganguli well. Strangely though, i fell in love with Tabu. She was wonderful. the accent, the expressions, even the way she carried her Sari, made me remember simba's mum in some strange way.

I wish to learn Bengali, its such a sweet language, though i think Konkani takes precedence right now in the scheme of things :D...i still falter and fumble for words while trying to converse with my relatives and its a crying shame i do not know how to curse in Konkani really !

Reading right now : Memories of a Geisha

This book makes me glad I'm a woman, in some such strange way, and I'm in that world, and so far away from who I am and what I'm doing. I sat in a coffee shop, and was so immersed in the book that all the hip hop and UGH ! Himesh whatshisname was blocked out.

To do list includes a review of the same, when i find (and make) time for it.

I did an online IQ test, randomly, and was so pissed off when my scores sucked, that i took it out on mother. Like every good mother she ranted about the weight I've put on , and when i wanted to discontinue that particularly disturbing conversation she says 'When u learn to face your weaknesses only then can you overcome them' omething just snapped. I asked her in precisely these terms (shame on me) 'Well tell me how can i face the weakness that I've inherited a normal stupid IQ, a stupid cleft in the chin, Weird hair and a love for running away' and some such other random shit. I was sorry the moment i said it, but there!

So I'm sorry Ma, But really PMS and living alone isn't helping. I'm turning into a grouchy, slothful, uncultured, irrationally pessimistic, fat little Pig.

i've forgotten what it feels like to sit at the dinner table and eat with other people ! I've also forgotten what it feels like to hug my mum since i just don't want to think about that anymore.

I've learnt to manipulate just how much information i give my parents, the only people i truly love, and would die for.

Ohkie, I'm not all that bad really, but i did promise myself I'd be truthful and honest in the blog, no matter who ends up reading it so ...there!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Purpose driven hunger pangs


J dropped off the Nasik pics. I have decided to go on a diet, exercise, die, anything! but try and lose all this lovely flab.

I'm learning nice new things, shiny technorati stuffs you sees in my blogses now na.

Ive lost a friend, and the thought saddens me. But i think i respect myself too much to let petty thoughts trouble me. I got new chuddi buddi no.... Kwisu :D

I miss Choi. I wish i had beaten him up the last time he was down. Sad really.

Ahhh...Im hungry, pray that i do stick to my new fad please.

I listened to Backstreet boys today :D Ha! i know i should go drown in a tub of tomato soup, but i was just missing childhood and home so much (yes i had a lovely warped boyband crush, titanic tears, Enid Blyton books, Five running away together and Nancy Drew in College Childhood.) Happy i was. Sigh!

Onward to better things. Bitching and Gnawing, Amnesia and angels, lack of fear, loss of faith, Insomnia, coffee and missing Mama, All three C's, Love in a puppy's eyes and a grouchy boss.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Hey Monginis!!

OHKIE.. My name is Marjorie. Thats MAR as in MARch, JO as in JOe, RIE as in REEL.

I really can't stand anyone mutilating my name again. I will have to hack the next person who does that into itsy bitsy tiny little pieces and stuff him/ her in a carton and ship it off to Uganda.

I normally have people calling me MAdhuri, which is a sick Indianised version of my apparently tongue twisting name, oh then there's Mortuary, and yes, its mortifying, for those who know the meaning, you'll know why.

There's Manjari, which sounds so Mallu i could weep, then there's ahh...,Margarine, which, buttery and yummy as it may be, ITS NOT MY EFFING NAME !

A week back though, i reached the zenith of mortifying name mutilation. Someone asked for Miss Mongini's :'(.

Monginis is a lovely chain of cake shops, but oh hell, sweet tooth et all, i really do not want to be named after a cake shop!!

And the worst bit was whenever i told any of my friends about it, they LAUGHED. Grrrrrr.

Anyways, its ok. I have begun the healing process of forgiving my parents for my name, and now i just cringe when someone screws it up.

It could get worse. I could have been named Constantina, or Ressurection, or ahh...........Perpetina :D

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Holiday !




Today was a holiday, and i spent it usefully.

I slept, woke up awfully early( i have no clue why i wake up early on holidays) ...ate, slept, chatted, surfed, prayed, went to the bank, prayed again, ate, slept, chatted, surfed, and gave my laundry dirty looks.

:D ...

Friday, March 02, 2007

Soys and Jorrows

A very (once upon a time) close friend lost her dad today. I was numb from the shock. Half the day went by without me thinking, doing everything mechanically, wondering how I'd cope. I was crying, wishing i could be there with her, and her family. Though as usual i was at a loss for words, and its a wonder i didn't bawl my heart out at work and bite someone's head off.


I missed my family more than ever, and threw caution (and my job) to the winds, by chatting with close friends.

I spoke to my best friend after ages, and it was like there never was any distance. I spoke to another wonderful friend after ages too, not desultory, defunct conversation, but actually spoke a mile a minute, and then spoke about friends there to share i each other's soys and jorrows. THATS how fast i was speaking lol!


It's a tragedy how it takes a death for me to get back in touch with all those people who once meant the world to me and who i don't have the time for now, except perhaps to think of those days and smile, and wish a silent wish.

Can't differentiate between joy and sorrow sometimes, it all comes together.

The day is over, I'm home, and have not yet met my friend or her family. But I'm getting there. And oh, I'm so thankful i have my friends and family for the umpteenth time in my short life.

I called my dad and lied through the skin of my teeth about how good i was during the week, just to hear his voice.

One for the soy.

I spoke to Shan, and tried to control my tears when she seemed resigned to her loss.

One for the jorrows.

The good shall triumph. And truth shall set man free. God bless.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Are you lonesome tonight ?



Sometimes when I come home from work, I open the door, switch on the lights, anD talk to my house.

Its so disheartening to come home to an empty place, bereft of laughter, squabbles, and most of all, no one to welcome you home. Its bad when you've had a bad day, and need a shoulder to cry on, or a brother to scream at and relieve your pent up frustration, but its worse when you're happy, and theres no one to share it with.

I yearn for a pet dog. Its this constant ache. I even feed the strays near my house, and there's this one adorable dog with a limp, whom I've named Caramel, because her eyes are so soulful. And gooey.

Pic flicked from here. Lovely.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Truckaffiti.


I was in the cab on the way to work. If I don’t suffer from the Monday blues, it’s the Monday hunger pangs, but yes, in the cab, when I saw this truCk. The back(side) of the truck to be precise, and it had this LOVELY inscription in Hindi, painted in white. TruCkS always fascinate me, on account of my dream job which is to be a truck driver and traverse all over India and eat at the numerous Dhabas along the way, but ahhh, No more meandering, back to the Truck.

This was what was written in Hindi.

GHAR SE BEGHAR HOON, RAASTE SE BAHUT DOOR HOON, JEETA HOON ISILLIYE KE KISI KE MAANG KA SINDOOR HOON’

I like. You like ?


Sunday, February 25, 2007

Little Woman.

'What book are you reading ?'

I just finished India, by Jim Corbett. Now i want to run away to the jungle and skin a leopard. Oh, actually, I'd rather spend the night with a tiger instead.

'Get serious for once. What do you plan to read next? Life is so boring now, i need a good book to dispel this lethargy ya. Need to put myself to sleep every night also. Nothign to do na'

You mean you want an excuse to live someone else's life, try making your own a little liveable won't you. Put yourself to sleep indeed !

'Oh, please, keep your views to yourself, just answer the question, whats next. Which book are you going to eat and shred to bits in your nasty little brain.'

Oh, next i plan to read Lolita, by Vladimir somebody. Nobok soemthing, i forgot. I love Russian Literature.Have you read Karenina ? Greatest love story ever. Nothign like that awful Romeo and Juliet. But yes Karenina. Superb !

'You WHAT ?'

I love Russian literature. And please read Anna Karenina.

'No , no, YOU are going to read WHAT ? LOLITA. You insane ? Young women just should not read stuff like that. Older women shouldn't either, but thats CRAP. What are you thinking of ?? Your parents will go ballistic !

Lol ! My parents are used to me reading everything i can get my hands on.They love the fact too. NORMAL people read books like that. Supernormal people read even better books ! Ohkie, now stop being such a prude. I never knew you were so narrow minded ! Have you read it ? I've heard its awesome.

'It sucks. Couldn't understand the B*****d. Paedophile ! Don't read shit like that. I read a bit and threw the book out.'

Stop cursing. Profanity won't make you any more attractive you know. And you need a bit of help in that aspect anyways ! lol ! Why can i not read Lolita. I think I'll enjoy the book.

You don't have to identify with the guy or understand him when you read a book! BTW I finished Little Women when i was 12. What is it with you ? Literature is Literature. Oh, i forgot. I assumed you knew what literature was. Are you still reading 'Who moved my cheese' ?

*giggle*

So next on the list - Lolita.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Idealism ..

Artwork courtesy Uzma Ali.

Fantabulous. Please hire her for your newspapers/ mags/Animaxing/ Brownie making.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Musing.

Money ruins friendships. Unless its your daddy, the friend not only ends up in your list of to be hated forever and ignored, but also, oh my God, He/ She so used me.

Want to be surrounded by your regular fan club ? Dont lend, dont borrow.

When you lend someone money, you tend to think of your borrowee (im using my blogatic license) but yes, you tend to think of your borrowee as scum. The filth that surrounds your pretty ballerina studs. and ahh, when you borrow money, all you want to do is hide your face and die . i presume.

Not good that.

Btw Ma, i KNOW you read my blog. How else would you know about the Brownies ? But please, i really meant what i said, i'm going to pretend that noone knows who i am, or that noone reads this anyways, and that applies to all you A's, B's, C's, D's and Dh's that i know.

How else will I ever bitch about everyone to everyone and about life to just myself, laugh, mock, scorn, cry and just live atleast a tiny part of my life all to myself ? One must have a sense of humour and time alone to live. Truly live. Truly get into a panic. Truly think they have no idea where success and happiness is, but yes, the wine store is just next door near that seedy hotel.

There is a lot of love in the world right now, but ha, how many of you can truly say you got a bit of that ? I can, my feet are very loved. I *just* finished a very interesting conversation with them. I ranted and ranted and all they did was emit a foul stench, which shut me up.

You can learn a lot from your feet you know.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Bossonomics ?

Yesterday i had it out with my Boss. She fought and i whimpered. yeah so she had it out with me. I'm no chicken but ...oh well, it was my mistake.

Apparently we have soemthing called a KPI, which i shall call the Key Pissingoff Index which measures every team's performance. This also decides whether members of that team deserve a promotion. And ha ! Now i know why the dragon was so mad at me. Her salary was getting affected by the things i did NOT do. :D


blah !

I wish i was in Goa enjoying the carnival, and courting another bout of jaundice while i leisurely ate chouris pao and all the other unmentionables.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Twisely.

Today was horrible. As usual, nothing new. But i guffawed quiet a bit. I had a colleague ask me to delete something which appeared 'twisely' in the document. And condescending B***h that i am, i replied back, i have deleted the ____ that appeared twisely, now it only shows onsely. !!!!

I wonder why is it that people love praise so much. I'm so intensely private that i hate it when people mistake my freindliness for this sort of sign that says' come on in, walk all over me, prod me for everything and treat me like sirt' well...i'm just private. i love my privacy. Being an extrovert, i still don't like people trodding on my toes.

PS : despite the jaundice, i had a brownie for dessert after my awful no oil, no spice food.
i DONT regret it. And no, there was no icecream :(

Friday, February 02, 2007

Anonymous ?

There are times when i feel like writing about the people i know, and what i think of them, and why i feel the way i do about something they did, said, or just because of who they are. And then i stop myself, because i know that most of them somehow read my blog and oops! Some of my thoughts are not to be written down for posterity since not everyone has a liver that cna digest 'lohe ke moongfali' to quote my bhaiyya neighbour. lol !

But then again i could say 'A' did this, or i met 'B' the other day. Ha ! as if they wouldnt know who it was i was referring to. And what happens when i have two acquaintances sharing the same initials ?

So for a while i'm going to pretend none of you cherished few who read my blog - read my blog. And i shall rant and rave and bitch, oh - and when you meet me pretend you never know what exactly i think about you despite being so sweet and patient to your face. I've never denied that i'm the greatest hypocrite , atleast, with an attempt at modesty, let me say one of the few great hypocrites you would ever have the good fortune to know, or not know as the case may be.

So, the other day i met up with 'A'. He's still the same guy, looks like the good Lord let him have his way and sent him without a backbone to this bad bad world..... some things never change ! Carrying his laptop, with the airline baggage tag STILL on it, he was clutching at it for all he was worth, bogged down by the weight of one chotu laptop. He really should eat more and bitch less. i missed him, and i realised that after i met him. what a wannabe, like reverse psychology, he pretends he's different, just so that he would be more, well, 'in'. i wanted to hug him before he left, but i didnt. i wonder why. He's one of the few friends i'd actually keep in touch with and laugh at and still miss.

Well. 'A', please dont take umbrage, i'm going to pretend you dont read my blog even if you do.

The fact of the matter is, i miss my old friends ! And i love you just the way you are, sans backbone et all.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Guess who's back...back again....

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Ha! I’ll show them woman scorned. How dare he deny me my basic rights? Even after all I’d done for him. To put a cog in the wheels of commerce, unthinkable! That too for a simple Maggi, masala flavoured, and none of that God – awful Atta noodles please…. But let me elucidate.

I’d gone down for a walk, since I was so bored no thanks to that darn doc, with his cheerful, opaque, obstinate fat headedness insisting that I’m not fit for public consumption i.e. inflicted with the jaundicees, I shallses not be traipsing aboutses with a happy soul bereft of worry.

Back to the walk. While I was getting ready, with a little bit of cash, my pal says, hello! Get me some Maggi while you’re at it. I say ok. I go to the local kirana, posh, stocked with some of the best goods Cadbury’s has to offer, flush with the good stuff. So I say, uncle, Maggi please. He gapes at me like Mopy the moping goldfish, and says, but you have jaundice! No Maggi for you! It’s not good! Hello, irrespective of whether I have jaundice or a deteriorated brain, you give me stuff when I ask you for it and am all set to PAY you for it, but no! He wanted to know why, when, where, who, and even the what of the Maggi and its final destination. Well, Indians, poky, nosey, prig- headed loveable lot that we are.

So now that I’m blogging again, I twiddle my fingers gleefully, and have another go at the keyboard. Awaydhgkglgogg,g,glglglglgl[hl[p zh[pzkg[plg ;. ….

Hehehehehe…just letting my mind and fingers wander :D
Now that I have so much time on my hands, or rather, had the time…I wonder…what wonders I could have achieved with three weeks (and a jaundiced liver) .The most I managed to do was eat that awful khichdi, try to take my meds on time, watch TV and dream. Lots and lots of dreaming. And oh yes, visit the Strand sale, empty my empty coffers and buy three lovely books. Which I still have not finished reading and already it’s past 4 days. Shit! I must be going old and senile :(

I miss work. And chicken. And normal FOOD. And mama, but thats another thing.

And i'm a grammar Nazi ha! i shl not toleratre ppl makin typos n usin shortfrms.