Tuesday, January 31, 2006

What doesn't Kill you ......

Small things make me happy. Or rather...Make me laugh..

Saw this really hot guy from the bus in the morning on the way to coll. So I stared. Unashamedly. Not wantonly...But ahh :P And then he smiled !!! At me !!!

whoa....HOT ...I felt the usual beginnings of a drool...Or rather..Unusual...Its really rare that I would drool over such charming eye candy...

Then while waiting at churchgate stn for another bus...(darn but I hate Indian infrastructure..Or the lack of it ), I saw this bus...With lotsa crows perched on it... And it was ambling along leisurely with the crows having their Annual General Body Meeting atop it.. Oh made me smile...

So I went for that interview..Or rather..Aptitude test at TSMG. Nice office ...Plush...Or rather...Not plush...Very nice though I cant find the right word... And gave the test. Nice test too... Analysis of situations...And a horrid business aptitude test which I had fun with.

And after I endured all the horrid cramps ...(Its been 2 crampy days ) And ambled home..I find that my electricity has been cut off. OHHHHHHHHHHHH

If anything can get me out of my usual calm, lethargic and complacent behavior... Its the electricity cut off, when I have a maths test the next day, this insane urge to write my blog and a sticky feeling where I JUST have to have a bath, all plaguing me at the same time.

So I ran. To the electricity dept. Oh. Begged the watchman to put the electricity on till atleast 8 am tomm. And I will go back to the office tomorrow and fire the panties off the electricity dept ppl. INDIAN BUREAUCRACY !!! AAARRRGGHHH

And to think id paid the bill around 10 days back. Pisses me off ! Actually, its rather surprising when the Government ppl DON'T fuck up. That's when you should start getting nervous. The rest....Just take it in your stride...

So while chatting with Shanti... I told her...About being so plagued with everything.. And I came up with something rather witty.. (not unusual for me :D )

What doesn't kill you .........................ONLY MAKES YOU WANT TO KILL SOMEONE ELSE !

Refuting the cliche that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.....

And I'm happy for all the obstacles so far... Its spurring me onto better things, ( onto action and off my fat Ass for one ) and u know what...I haven't lost my sense of humor. Infact it just gets better . So I'm blessed. No reason to panic....Yet. I can laugh at myself and situations still...

So far....So Good.

Read this sumwhr..... meant what i felt....so...thr...


It's 1am and I'm still not dreaming
Contemplation mars my sleeping
I wish I knew all I’m meant to know
Then I wouldn’t have to keep thinking

And all these photographs on my wall
Fade in the light, but my hearts too small
To remember how they looked before
Their memories dim and they begin to fall

Away from me so suddenly
everybody drifts away like currents in the sea
And I can’t love all that I cannot see

Too many times I wish that I could change
But we’d mean nothing if we were all the same
It breaks day and my bed is still unmade
And passes noon but i'm so numb with the pain

And I could think about all I’ve ever known
But still I wouldn’t know where in hell to go
I see these faces; they begin to fade
I’ve come so far and yet we haven’t really grown

And all this meaning loses time
Time loses meaning in this one track rhyme
Seems like I should be there by now
I went too fast and I missed the sign

Oh I could see the beauty in the sky
And know one day humanity would die
But it would only make me wonder why
Why we’re still here, bothering to try.

But I caught sight of a one lone star
Barely breathing like a lonely heart
And standing under this sullen sweet sky
I see maybe this is only the start

And life, it started with a single kiss
What is life without a little risk?
Maybe I am where I'm meant to be
And the stars remind me that I exist

MjC

Monday, January 30, 2006

Pep Talk

So , today.

I'm getting disoriented. I know what i have to do, and yet.... i don't want to do it. Back to the phase where i know just what is right and wrong or maybe lukewarm and nothing or noone can force me to do something i JUST don't want to do. Okay. So i need a kick up the seat of my pants. or perhaps.... just a neat little cosh on my head, a tiny bump might just do the trick...Why oh WHY am i letting this happen again? Me, independent little sweet little practical little effervescently cute and oh so adorable little me.

Yep, im trying sooo hard to tell myself that im wonderful. no other reason to survive otherwise. What with my not feeling good enough for all the people who care.I hate guilt trips. I hate myself for feeling like im worthy of guilt...It s bad when you do something or procrastinate without prior knowledge, but when ur a know it all and u STILL do it... ahhh then u definitely deserve all thats coming to you, and more.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Frozenporkchop

I should be re - christened Frozen pork chop....

So it could be my love of food....

Which is definitely NOTHING compared to my absolute adoration of chocolate.... or it could be that im rather carnivorous ( not the man -eating types though) sorry to disappoint you Dee... but its just Pork chop coz i pig out, eating seems rather a good way to preoccupy my brain, and stop it from telling me to go kill myself. and frozen .. well, i want to be devoid of feelings and try as i might, i feel like a screwed up humanitarian who's been taken over by the spirit of Mother Theresa and i just cant stand to see man, woman or dog in pain or want or hungry or whatever. Bolster their self confidence....let them live in their illusions...darn ! I'm getting Ayn Rand-ish again...

Quirky name. Now to go do whatever I have been procrastinating about and stop writing about my quirky self. Its like i have this tic... instead of twitching my shoulder or blinking my left eye or some other random indication of insanity, i WRITE. Oh Lord, but for thy grace ....... !