Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Writing.

Wannabe.

Nice word that. I've met so many wannabe's, but like one of my frends mentioned...what about me...i'm a 'don't wanna be' LOL.

Ever since i started this blog, ive started exploring other people's blogs. Its fun, and if they're witty, or just informative, its like a small chapter in a book. An insight into someone else's life, or what their day was about, or just their perspective on some issue. Needless to say, you also come across some really awful blogs. Or some like bimbettes, you know beautiful outside, no content within.

Ideasyncrasies.....when i created it i intended it to be my public ranting forum. My favourite word idiosyncrasies, and my ideas....and thus i coined the name.

My quaint, very unique ideas on life, love, success, failure and John Abraham. Someday i'll write an essay on John's dimples lol.
And now, to come to the crux of the matter... I wannabe a writer. I'm no wannabe writer mind you...i just wannabe one. And yes, there is a difference between the two.

People see my poetry, friends and acquaintances alike, and they say, why dont you write, seriously ? A book perhaps...journalism...copywriting, and im left with a plethora of choices and a mind benumbed ...why ? Because im doing a course in business management thats why, and the most i write is about production management or how someone could solve their finance problems.

I want to write. I dont care about influencing you, talking about my perspective on current affairs or even raving about the Page 3 celebrities.I'd like to write because i love it. Something i absolutely enjoy doing, for the sheer joy of it. Playing with words since i cant seem to manage people at all.
But then dont take me seriously. I talk to my feet.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Conversations with God

The middle of nowhere says: u know marj
The middle of nowhere says: i do think about goa
Sunrise says: haan bolo
The middle of nowhere says: but i don't wanna tell myself that yeah am going there
Sunrise says: i knw
The middle of nowhere says: so many times things just fail
Sunrise says: its like wht if it doesnt work out na
The middle of nowhere says: and then i don't wanna get upset
Sunrise says: i knw
The middle of nowhere says: so i just steer away from that thought
Sunrise says: no expectations, no pain, no regrets
The middle of nowhere says: seriously
Sunrise says: i knw
Sunrise says: let it be
Sunrise says: i want u to come
Sunrise says: and im not thinking of it
The middle of nowhere says: hehe
Sunrise says: coz i dont want the pain of going alone
Sunrise says: thr
Sunrise says: now u see how badly i want u to come
The middle of nowhere says: let days pass
Sunrise says: yeah
Sunrise says: in this limbo
Sunrise says: neither here nor there
Sunrise says: we're waiting for soemthing to happen
The middle of nowhere says: haha
The middle of nowhere says: the middle of nowhere
Sunrise says: yeah
Sunrise says: n thn whn sumthin happens
Sunrise says: we cry coz we dunno howe to deal with it


Feels like we're asking God a lot of help ...indirectly....SOS eh...

P.s : This was a conversation i had with a friend.


Friday, March 24, 2006

Another 52 Books

Another 52 Books ....if ur as crazy about reading as me... it has nice links...

I always envisioned paradise to be some sort of library, with u there, and hot chocolate, and cold chocolate, and you keeping your mouth shut and just being good eye candy, to satisfy my heart and aesthetic hunger, and the chocolate would take care of the rest.

Ahhh....freak of nature arent i.....

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Quill in hand....

How i wish i had written this..... Beautiful poetry. By a wonderfantabulous friend.

THE BLACKOUT

Light shed by a tallow-stick,
A quill within my grasp;
I scribe on yellowed pages
And follow the yen of my heart
.

In peace and still and quiet,
In perfect harmony,
I faintly hear a whisper,
And think I find the key.

It is not wine and dancing;
It is not jamboree.
Its just a breath of silence
And soulful repartee.

A sudden pause;
And time stands still.
Life shares herself
As she seldom will.


A rare glimpse; a favoured chance,
A blessing it may be;
To look o'er the edge of the world
And see what I may see.

And now as my light grows dim,
I must no longer tarry;
But instead make haste to see
That which may no longer be.

bran-D

Monday, March 13, 2006

Rant twice

Ohkie...clairvoyancy... is that the term? To continue with the past trend..

I'm Clairvoyant. Two days back, while looking out the window, blabbering away on the phone...i said..darn ! its soooo hot i wish it would rain...and VOILA !
Next morning gentle summer showers pitter pattering on the rooftop, and me unwittingly ( in blissful ignorance ) cursing my neighbour for throwing waste kitchen water out her window again...

I walk out to go to college, and get drenched. I was shell shocked. I asked for rain...and i got it ! The next logical thought of course was...Prince charming...but does he come ? nope.. now the good Lord knows better than that doesnt he ..( dripping with sarcasm). Apparently, a sense of humour is a sense of balance... and I know iv been rather dreary lately, but jeez, its hard to retain ur sense of humour when ur sense of balance is threatened ..( i have an ear infection) and life is dishing it out with full force, i'm sick, and certain bird brain's i know are eating my meagre reasources of pink matter....



Ohkie...im sorry im dishing it out, but hell... its been a crazy week, i need ideas on which book to buy to treat myself this month....any suggestions... ?

P.S : Thanks to my prolific and scathing critic... u know who u are... for nicely kicking my ... and keep up the good work. Its people like you who terrify me and simultaneously make me feel great :)

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Depression Central


Yep, Depression Central...thats what i am. Even unto PREDICTING things going wrong. Never again do i tempt fate like that. Everything is supposedly going fine...theres a nice semblance of normalcy, i even wake up on time.... but its still surreal. Nice and numb. Just like i ordered. Problem is...thats not what the doctor prescribed.


Disintegrated and yet coming together. Out of chaos comes order. Or maybe, i just work well under pressure!


I was right about the friends though.... there forever and a day... and if iv never thanked u before... Choy, Shirls, Bran D, Abhi ( if ur condescending lazy ass ever reads my blog) and Nicks ( even with the lame ass jokes, ur still a darling) .... thanks !


I bought strawberries today.....yippeeee ...one good thing about lenten fasts is that u can eat fruits... not much scope for other edibles though...

But yes, something i'd like to share....my rock when im set adrift like this....

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This too, shall pass !
Amen !

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Monday, March 06, 2006

She must weep, or she will die

Home they brought her warrior dead
She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:
All her maidens, watching, said,
She must weep or she will die.

Alfred Tennyson

I read this bit from V.S Naipaul's Half a Life.... and somehow it struck... what is life without a little loss...only teaches us to hold on to what we have with even more tenacity, and then dread losing it, or treat what we have with the utmost care and give it the most love...for who knows what tomorrow may bring...

I'm sick of that line.... ' who knows what tomorrow may bring..'

Well , I know !
Tomorrow will bring me more strength, more friends, more people to share my problems with, a sudden increase in blog viewer ship :D, John Abraham....(if only in my dreams), lots of love, and the realization that I'm still the most precious person in the world to my folks.... the awful epiphany that my prelims are drawing nearer... more temptation in the shape of bars of chocolates n nude chickens roasting on bbq's... ahh..is that enough fo what tomorrow may bring

I could die....but hey... That wouldn't stop me... I'd proliferate thru my friends...i mean come on..who wouldn't smile thinking of the stupid things id done or said...s

But yes, i must weep, or i will die......

Saturday, March 04, 2006

10th std poetry !

Found this in my old diary. Remembered jotting it down in a hurry, during a social science class..... man ! i miss school....

Be gentle with the criticism..
harsh words unfaze me
These are my emotions im discovering
For i am captivated by the mysterious
the intensity of my thoughts
the hidden yearning, the gaping crevices

like budding hothouse roses
frigidity will kill them
so please nurture them with warmth
with the sunlight of your soul

a clear trail of endless thoughts
travailing, leaping...into forever
some triggered by memories, or curiosity
some nudged by hope

And i write, so
disarm me with loving kindness
Let me cry
for gentle words sting my soul

MjC

Friday, March 03, 2006

Observe & Edit

Walking. Something i ABSOLUTEHLY luuurv. Yeah well half of Mumbai doesnt give a shit about what the other half does, every one's so busy, but i do get these puzzled, curious glances from strangers like, what the hell is she doing...the way i stare and gawk at old buildings, mendicants, and then i laugh out loud when something amuses me .........i LIKE Bohemia :D

I love south Mumbai. I wish i was a student of architecture at times. But then i see these quaint firms, with weird names in those old, run down buildings somewhere near Fort....and i wonder about what kind of business they do...like who the hell are their customers, do they even get customers.....how long have they been around....and on....and commerce suits me just fine...

Spotted this lovely stone statue of a dog somewhere around there. THIS is why i wish i had a camera phone. And then there was this lady at Strand who just COULDNT resist showing off her non -existent cleavage...so i need a cam for perverty pics like that too....lmao...but that is one thing i LOATHE. I dont need free publicity so for F***KS sake DONT take pics of me without my permission....i'm awfully wary around people with those camera phones nowadays... but thats just my paranoia playing up again i guess.

I love Strand. Read a bit of Calvin n Hobbes, chuckled and guffawed a bit... noticed a few people....saw this really self concious ug-ly corporate guy witha striped white shirt and black n white checked tie...( is that even LEGAL ?) sporting a ear stud...he was so self concious...but Damn ! I hated him on sight, he just swiped his card.....leaving me drooling over his purchases....no judging a book by its cover eh.....but i do NOT think he would appreciate the subtle nuances and intricacies of the Calvin n Hobbes comic that he bought. Not to mention Memoirs of a Geisha...and some other rare gems. Oh...yep there were those self improvement 'who stole my ferrari' kinda books too lol... which is why i pegged him as a yuppie....Oh ye Haves....cast a stray glance at us Have -nots and make wise decisions when ye do buy books ...funny how people buy a book, just because the rest of the world is buying it, and its supposed to be the 'in' thing to read. Now what i want is that collection of Somerset Maugham short stories .....sigh..

Walked it home from Strand. NOT for the squishy legged, not wanting to sweat types lemme tell you.....but i did take a detour thru Marine drive. Now i know why i get tanned so much. I love the sun warming me up. Until it gets sticky, i cant stand the thirst and my skin starts burning ..that is.

I must use the foot bridge over Charni Road station more often. The one that connects marine drive to the other side. By chance you happen to look down, and WOW, this amazing structure, with a lush garden and numerous potted plants. It even has a bird bath ! AND colonial architecture. It fits perfectly into the kind of house i someday want to live in. Bird bath included. A lovely view.....even if it does bring on the day dreaming bouts which are rather inconvenient amidst the jostling crowds all pushing n shoving and going ....nowhere.

Today.

Scrutinize. i like that word. Screw -tee- nize

I LOATHE data entry. Bunked college again today. The guilt trip is soooo familiar iv gotten used to it. Now i know how people can take bribes and go on committing mortal sins. You get so accustomed to everything, in the end its just a dull throb...the conscience that so stabs right now...

Not really my fault is it. Something's aching to be set free. If i was given a paisa for evrytime i wanted to break free from conventionalism and routine.....man, id dream of marrying Chidu. I mean look at it this way...its only when u got it that u want to protect it right ? LOL.....i WAS talking about money..... but delving into the inner raunchy sanctums of grey matter , well...heres a tribute to ..... The 'N' syndrome.....its not like use it or lose it...more like.. Got it; Flaunt it !!