Saturday, September 27, 2008

10 Reasons why I cant become a nun.

I thought of this post while doing the dishes. Strange, but true, thoughts like these arise when life is at its most mundane. The rest of the time you’re too busy actually living to write about it or analyze it.

I wish all my nonexistent readers would comment. Unfair, but there are some horrific blogs out there, with content that even a 5 year old would call gibberish, and they have traffic like Bombay at 7 pm, and look at me. Well, my inner voice screams, no one comments because no one updates :D

So there, I begin.

10 reasons why I can’t become a nun.

Despite my childhood dreams of becoming a nun, here are the reasons why I shall fail miserably at that vocation

Reason 1: I am too much of an Elitist. No no, I can sit cross legged and enjoy a meal on Banana leaves and drink water out of my hands, but when it comes to the language, oh well, I am a Nazi. Example; Conversation with Mr F,I say I'm not interested in that, thank you. Idiot then asks me, hey, why are you thanking me, what did I say. And I think, why am I wasting my precious time on this buffoon.

Insert Saki quote "I came here to get away from the inane interruptions of the mentally deficient, but it seems I asked too much of fate"

Reason 2: The other day at the super market, the cashier was frantically trying to attract my attention. I was too busy ogling the derriere of this really hot Lebanese/ Egyptian/ Syrian/ I don't care where he's from guy. What assets I tell you.

Reason 3: I will rarely, if ever turn the other cheek. You attack, I will retaliate. Chances are it will be later rather than sooner, but it will be a sarcastic, caustic remark, or, if things are really bad, I can break your nose.

Reason 4: I pray at random times. It’s a private conversation with God, and I’m not inclined to attending Mass on every day of obligation.

Reason 5 : I love shoes and clothes and grooming myself. I cannot imagine myself in a habit, with old mother Hubbard shoes, and a mustache because I cant visit the parlor. I think I do a social service when I groom :D

Reason 6: I want to be able to torture my progeny. You know, the way my folks used to, and still do. Want something, mum directs me to my dad. Dad says, ask mum. All the while, I tether on the brink of insanity. What fun to be able to do that to someone else. Evil, evil thought.

Reason 7: Some convents have a vow of silence. I can hear you choke on your laughter, so I will preserve my dignity and enough said. Hmmpppphhh !

Reason 8: Social service is my thing, I love doing it, but after I run and save the world from whatever disaster has affected it, I will need to recline with a good book and a cup of coffee. Maybe even a drink. And besides, i love good food.

Reason 9: I love reading. There are no bad authors or good authors, there are just books that either make you think or make you puke. Each one is an idea, and well, I cant think of being morally or spiritually barred from reading something. I think the principles I’ve been raised with suffice to make me aware of bad or good.

Reason 10: Another aspect of social service I cannot overlook. What will happen to all the HAWWWT GUYS who I will someday date? Poor fellows will be left bereft and lonesome.

So, no vow of chastity and silence for me.