Saturday, September 27, 2008

10 Reasons why I cant become a nun.

I thought of this post while doing the dishes. Strange, but true, thoughts like these arise when life is at its most mundane. The rest of the time you’re too busy actually living to write about it or analyze it.

I wish all my nonexistent readers would comment. Unfair, but there are some horrific blogs out there, with content that even a 5 year old would call gibberish, and they have traffic like Bombay at 7 pm, and look at me. Well, my inner voice screams, no one comments because no one updates :D

So there, I begin.

10 reasons why I can’t become a nun.

Despite my childhood dreams of becoming a nun, here are the reasons why I shall fail miserably at that vocation

Reason 1: I am too much of an Elitist. No no, I can sit cross legged and enjoy a meal on Banana leaves and drink water out of my hands, but when it comes to the language, oh well, I am a Nazi. Example; Conversation with Mr F,I say I'm not interested in that, thank you. Idiot then asks me, hey, why are you thanking me, what did I say. And I think, why am I wasting my precious time on this buffoon.

Insert Saki quote "I came here to get away from the inane interruptions of the mentally deficient, but it seems I asked too much of fate"

Reason 2: The other day at the super market, the cashier was frantically trying to attract my attention. I was too busy ogling the derriere of this really hot Lebanese/ Egyptian/ Syrian/ I don't care where he's from guy. What assets I tell you.

Reason 3: I will rarely, if ever turn the other cheek. You attack, I will retaliate. Chances are it will be later rather than sooner, but it will be a sarcastic, caustic remark, or, if things are really bad, I can break your nose.

Reason 4: I pray at random times. It’s a private conversation with God, and I’m not inclined to attending Mass on every day of obligation.

Reason 5 : I love shoes and clothes and grooming myself. I cannot imagine myself in a habit, with old mother Hubbard shoes, and a mustache because I cant visit the parlor. I think I do a social service when I groom :D

Reason 6: I want to be able to torture my progeny. You know, the way my folks used to, and still do. Want something, mum directs me to my dad. Dad says, ask mum. All the while, I tether on the brink of insanity. What fun to be able to do that to someone else. Evil, evil thought.

Reason 7: Some convents have a vow of silence. I can hear you choke on your laughter, so I will preserve my dignity and enough said. Hmmpppphhh !

Reason 8: Social service is my thing, I love doing it, but after I run and save the world from whatever disaster has affected it, I will need to recline with a good book and a cup of coffee. Maybe even a drink. And besides, i love good food.

Reason 9: I love reading. There are no bad authors or good authors, there are just books that either make you think or make you puke. Each one is an idea, and well, I cant think of being morally or spiritually barred from reading something. I think the principles I’ve been raised with suffice to make me aware of bad or good.

Reason 10: Another aspect of social service I cannot overlook. What will happen to all the HAWWWT GUYS who I will someday date? Poor fellows will be left bereft and lonesome.

So, no vow of chastity and silence for me.


Rashi V said...


Knowing you , I can say with surety..You can't keep quiet..You (and me) cant and will not stop ogling...Yes, it WILL be unfair to all the extremely HAWWT guys who you will date...

SO the idea you becoming a nun is scrapped>>For the betterment of you and the world alike! :)

.a. said...

Lol, the start is awesome, So I is not the only one who thinks which doing dishes. something so mundane to spark creativity in me, so void and empty a ritual to give birth to words in me head!

yes, you should keep updating more. but no compromises on quality na, who'd want a traffic like Bombay?

reason 1 - :D lol I loved the quote you have inserted!
reason 2 - now this one's the real reason, you can still ogle people being a nun no? the excuse being blessing them *winks*

reason 3 - awesome. I call it strength. I call it freedom :D
reason 4 - yes :)

reason 5 - haha, I am sure you're loving your feminine self after the rigurous diet schedule, i wonder if its rigurous though
reason 6 - hahahaha!!!, look at the plans i mean lol.. tsk poors kids to bear your devilish mind, I pray they be equally evil :p

reason 7 - nice :) I like silence, it hides much!
reason 8 - yes, we are social and we need our service too - social service :p

reason 9 - awesome again, being nun you can still read, No? like we do in exams; hidding novels in huge accounts books *winks*
reason 10 - do something of a social service to the guys too na? lol...

anj said...

you mean nuns can't appreciate hawtness? aren't they supposed to praise ALL of God's works? and some mighty fine works He has in the MidEast. Ever been to the lebanese bakery? the guy behind the counter is possibly the only thing that can distract me from carbohydrates. oh the goodness...
as for silence... *giggles* we know how good we are at that ;)

Kris said...

ah well...i never had a doubt...nunneries gotta have their own self-preservation instincts, no? :P

but you're still keeping your vow of silence with all my secrets, okay?

The Icarus Boy said...

From a Elitist to another, Je te salutant.

Anyways here's a reason you could give being a Nun a shot. The Habit you so mercilessly trode upon, you might just make it look good.


WeirdiSgooD said...

@ Rash- You know what i thik msot times without me having to tell you, so :D

@ Asbah- Lol, i replied to your wonderful comment ages back, no, Ana fi miskiin :D

@Aanj- No one there now, but there's this new Lebanese restaurant Aanj, and a guy with a ponytail, that makes me sweat. I keep going back for the shawarma just to stare. Maybe i could even learn stalking. might help with the job hunt. :D

PS : Its AN or rather, ONE elitist. Bah, i shall forgive you this lapse though, keep visiting ;)

@kris- Ahh, vow of silence when it comes to petty secrets about my dearest friends, but i will never divulge the secret about the conspiracy that is now taking over the world. Oops, I've already said too much :D

@ The Icarus boy- You should have had scented candle wax, then the fall from grace would have been sweet and stimulating. And despite being a virtual stranger, you are almost too kind. Unfortunately, the moment i wear a habit, it will look like a sack of potatoes destined for the convent, or maybe some contraband vodka, for a very hedonistic Mother superior :D ...ooh i shall burn in heaven for this :D .

WeirdiSgooD said...

oops, the PS was for the Daedalus boy ...not for you Aanj.

Didelphinus said...

Oh stop with the derrière-ogling and dating. Just say it, you like the sex too much :D

Hmm I wonder what made you think of 'not being a nun' in the first place!

WeirdiSgooD said...

yes yes, i miss the sex ...and i admit it :D'd be a gr8 workout too ..that's the only reason i'd miss it :D ..

Sad, but true, the recent news about the nun being raped in Orissa got me on this train of thought ..

Yulia D'Souza said...

amen to u marge...... since i'm in a frikkin college run by nuns.... i kno i'm not becomin one....

Sorcerer said...

I wish all my nonexistent readers would comment. Unfair, but there are some horrific blogs out there, with content that even a 5 year old would call gibberish, and they have traffic like Bombay at 7 pm, and look at me. Well, my inner voice screams, no one comments because no one updates :D

you said it