There is something infintely beautiful in Lord Byron's poem, that never fails to make me cry.
Often I wonder just what it is I'm doing, and why things happen like they do. Perhaps I should have been born into a different family, where I would not be such a black sheep and my parents would be happy no matter what I did, because they would know and accept who I was.
Simon and Garfunkel keeps reverberating in my head, all their lovely songs, it used to be my dream to write like that and have someone make a song for it. I'm so funny really, i can live without the internet, and TV and walk for miles, but I cannot face life without a beautiful song or a book to read.
I may be thinking too much really, all the time i wonder about things that should have no bearing on my well being, yet they never cease to confound me, and the thoughts never ever leave me alone, not even when I'm asleep.
To be a penniless, but good writer, who would write down people's experiences for posterity, and amass a world of experience, and would have a dog, lol...that has always been what I've wanted from life.
Or then again, I tried really hard to think about being materialistic and ambitious, and i may have succeeded in making people think I am, so thats good right ? I just don't want all that. And everyone around me thinks differently. Its such a conflict of interests and either i learn to acclimatize myself and live upto peoples expectations, or just live my life the way i want to and hurt a few other people in the process. That would also rather be like I'm using them, and I'm too timid to do that.
One thing noone realises about me is that I'm painfully shy, and I'm quite good at hiding that too, until the time comes to open my mouth for the things that really mean a lot to me.
I guess it will be option two. And two roads diverged in a yellow wood .....
I'm hoping it WILL make a lot of difference.
And I have once again forgotten this blog is public. Well... whatever.