Ideasyncrasies

No new year resolutions yet. Have to sit down and write. Not blogged in ages but blame OMANTEL for that. New word for the day Tortilicious. It refers to being tortured by the idea that your folks are gonna find out about that *bad* thing you're doing, but feeling delicious while you're doing it.

I'm staring out into the night, Trying to hide the pain. I'm going to the place where love And feeling good don't ever cost a thing. And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain. I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old So I'm going home. Well I'm going home. Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, And then some you don't want. Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, yeah. Oh, well I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting ...

This one is for Walder. Because she drives me crazy singing. And it reminds me of the time i cried my heart out when Simba lost his dad. And watching movies with Brian. And cartoons. And balloons. And Hide and seek. Sadness is coming :(

Every night I struggle with myself. To sleep or not to sleep. The moment my tired eyes give in and let go, my brain gets into a frenzy and pictures the most horrific things, to make me jolt awake, light up, sit down and do crazy things like BLOG. At 3 am. Or mindlessly watch the idiot box. I swear my health and happiness is getting affected. Its a constant struggle, two parts of my mind warring for those precious 8 hours.

I sound like so many of the others no. Don't know what I want, don't know what I can do, Can't make up my mind, think I'm good at everything if i want to do something types. I'm going crazy wondering just what is it I want from life. I'm going crazy finding someone I want too, but lets not make my sad social life the object of this discourse, I might go and buy vodka and sleep all through tomorrow and the rest of my life too. Or even worse, I might go give Cadbury their highest sales ever in a day. Either of which does not seem to be a good option so... But yes, career. Let's not talk about that either, I feel kaka. I'm so going out to buy a lovely new pair of shoes. I have these huge duck type, left leg scarred in childhood mishap kind of feet. No kidding. I talk to my feet because I have never seen feet like mine. I love them ! Then again I don't look at men's feet, if i did, I might find a sole mate. I want to learn how to play the piano. No, ...

Honesty can get you to a lot of places. Some of them not so good. Seriously, how many people lie on their resumes ? I don't. I'm not proud of it. I can't think of one thing to twist and fabricate and invent euphemisms for. A friend asked me today, if you found a gold ornament on the ground, what would you do ? Pat came the answer, I'd keep it; obviously. Then she asks me, what if you found it in the office. I'd keep it, obviously !!! Mum n dad raised me well, so where the heck did that answer come from ? So many times i lie to people when I don't want to answer the phone, I insist i was asleep, or the phone was on silent, when all I was doing was reading, or surfing the net, or watching Ugly Betty, or listening to my favourite song and i just didn't want to spoil the moment. Small, white lies. Big, nasty horrible lies. Past one year I didn't lie much. I just avoided people ! How far can honesty get you? I believe that a lie or a series of lies can ge...

I really have to get rid of this black pink green hideous you dont rock my world look.Too much work. Let it be :D You know you're fattest when your blog has THE word twice and your google ads talk about flushing the fat away. Have mercy !

The single girl, living alone.

Doesnt know what it is not to worry and still manages to screw things up and tempt fate to give her more reasons to worry. Thinks that someday all her dreams will come true, problem is, she doesnt know WHAT those dreams are. Loves mankind but hates people. Thinks she cant when she can, and can when she can't. Thinks icecream might help the weight loss. Loves family but avoids them like the plague. Would walk a million miles for her sibling, but beat him to death if he lent out her books. Would lend a book, to do someone a favour and then curse them to oblivion for not returning the book back, when she's forgotten who's taken it in the first place. Thinks everything in ice pink, baby pink or pink looks good. Abhors almost everything about herself and yet is an almost elitist.(phrase i coined myself) Loves the language and reading so much she's afraid she cna never make a career of it because she will never be good enough. Complains that the detergents dont smell the same...

Soemthing someone said Caught at your heart and never let go swayed in the breeze then lay still And fell softly with the rain Bautiful lines defining beautiful people Like tall blades of grass Ramrod straight yet always bending Gracefulyl swaying, always sheltering A passer by smiled What a beautiful line defined Cursive writing, childish scrawls Frost is writing his beautiful lines When they painstakingly criticize The beautiful lines overwhelm you Someday their censure will define Your grace, your senses, your personality refine

Every year my birthday gets weirder. Some friends remember, some are forced to remember, most just remember because of the “once a year “syndrome, so that they can do away with the obligation. But let that be, perhaps I should thank everyone in sight that I’ve managed to survive another year. 22, only, I’m not two but one fat duckling. I’m living life by the weekends now. Everything is reserved for a Saturday or a Sunday. Read something, meet someone do Someone/something…everything: D Every Friday night, I’m Sheryl Crow singing All I want to do, is have some fun, I got a feeling, I’m not the only one! And every Sunday evening I’m Bon Jovi rebelling that Someday I’ll be Saturday night L The other day in the bus I passed by this amazing Hair Salon called…guess what...THE HAIR PORT!! Really hair raising that! :D But English is so amazing sometimes. There is this one client of ours who once sent us a message asking us not o test his “ patient”. Even I’m running out of patients…there are n...

I may not have the time to read my mails these days, but i still can see through people who try to bullshit. That didn't really come out right, but, what i meant is, I get forwarded mails too, you don't have to expound on theories or forwards that you have recieved in the mail and expect me to be impressed by your "wisdom". Especially when you claim those opinions, or wisecracks as your own. But apart from that...howdy everyone. I'm sorry about the no blogger. It's a no brainer see, what with me working late and just pretending I have a life, no time to blog, and yes, no net for a while. I tried TV. They repeat everything and it sucks. And you occassionaly stumble onto a horror movie that you just can't resist and then cannot sleep for a month out of fear. I finally decided to give up thinking of buying jeans AFTER i lost weight and just went and had a lovely bout of retail therapy. With Choi. The best days of my life category; those. I no longer feel guil...

There is something infintely beautiful in Lord Byron's poem, that never fails to make me cry. Often I wonder just what it is I'm doing, and why things happen like they do. Perhaps I should have been born into a different family, where I would not be such a black sheep and my parents would be happy no matter what I did, because they would know and accept who I was. Simon and Garfunkel keeps reverberating in my head, all their lovely songs, it used to be my dream to write like that and have someone make a song for it. I'm so funny really, i can live without the internet, and TV and walk for miles, but I cannot face life without a beautiful song or a book to read. I may be thinking too much really, all the time i wonder about things that should have no bearing on my well being, yet they never cease to confound me, and the thoughts never ever leave me alone, not even when I'm asleep. To be a penniless, but good writer, who would write down people's experiences for poste...

Today was a revelation. Today was freedom. Today was rebirth. I've finally gotten over those awful, awful times. I've learnt enough lessons to last me through the rest of my life, and I'm only 21 ! Its over. It's still getting done, nothings over till its really over, but oh, it's over. For the first time today in over 2 years, I felt like me. Who i used to be, playful, serious, committed, diligent and happy! I hopped, skipped, swivelled myself on the office chair and grinned at everyone. It was wonderful. I could have been benevolent, charitable, kind and sweet to even the meanest grouch ever, and i kept grinning all day! Everythings different, everythings changed ! Absolution. I've struggled, and fought for so hard, and suddenly the whole burden has lifted and i cna see my dreams, and think further, and joke and laugh and oh..... you get the drift. I'm still smiling, and then while iw as returning home...oh joy of joys...there was thunder, and at last........

It's always sunshine. I'm incredibly happy. I just needed my mum and dad around to make me ok again, and i guess i'm back to being me now. The curtains are up btw, chintzy, happy, green and white ones. My laundry is getting done. My mum and dad still love me, God's in his heaven, I'm never late for work, All's right with the world :D I'm still waiting for the rains though. Monsoon makes me bubbly, happy and i look like a drowned rat most of the time but what the hell, the rains let you have so much fun!

All you who sleep tonight Far from the ones you love, No hand to left or right And emptiness above - Know that you aren't alone The whole world shares your tears, Some for two nights or one, And some for all their years. -- Vikram Seth

I need to put curtains up. Big drapes, chintzy maybe, if my mother has her way, but something that shuts the sunlight out. And the prying eyes. I need one of those dim bulbs to help me with my insomnia. Surreal, with incense sticks, and red everywhere. There is a stillness in the air. It's wonderful how despair turns your dreams into multi coloured, sweet smelling candy floss tinged with Vodka and lime. Where the ideal world has clean roads, and its always snowing. And there's a dog waiting to welcome you back home, who just wants you to feed him and pet him and turns onto his back for a tickle. I have bitten my nails into ragged uneven blades, that hurt me everytime i touch my face. I think i lost my nail cutter. Run away...run away....run AWAY...RUN away.

"But if, O Lord, it pleaseth Thee To keep me in temptation's way, I humbly ask that I may be Most notably beset to-day; Let my temptation be a book, Which I shall purchase, hold and keep, Whereon, when other men shall look, They'll wail to know I got it cheap.''

I have been beset my depression, guilt, fear, rebellion, depression, doldrums, oh that and all. The whole package really. and nothing seems to be changing. It's been ages now. I'm trying very, very hard to see the goodness in everything generally, but it isn't really helping. Maybe, someday, I'll not have any friends, and my family will disown me and this will all go away since I can't live up to my own stringent expectations, how can i please the others then ? I think I'm giving up, and I'm struggling hard every waking moment to keep up the fight. I've given up going to church though. Much as I know I have a lot to be thankful for, I'm not really inclined to a conversation with God. I'm afraid I'll vent my anger.

I was waiting for the bus, I'm always waiting, inevitably, after a hard day's work when i just can't wait to get back home, the damn bus is always late. Terrible frequency really, and a lovely short route home. After an interminable wait ( it seemed like that anyway, it was over 40 minutes! ) A nice editor -ish man asked me whether I'd like to share a cab ride home. Middle aged, thinning hair, slim, in a kurta, trousers, chappals and with a jhola. I didn't hesitate, just said ok. Fine, i know you guys are all screaming, no rides with strangers but hello, even i had my qualms, but then again, it was late, i was short of cash and, its the cab driver who'd be driving right ? Funny i wouldn't think twice about sharing a cab with women, make me wonder about the different, quaint notions and prejudices that i have bred . Nice man works for a very famous ad agency, and was such a gentleman, he even opened the door of the cab for me. We chatted about the tragedy of ...

I had to, it was so ME ! Back to black. Until i get a super duper awesome picture to keep as a background. Remodeling isn't so much fun :( (I keep going back to Bimbette pink !) But yes, change is good. Today, while traveling in the bus, there was this pretty girl standing in the aisle near me. Somewhere in the middle of the hot, stuffy ride, she leaned back a little towards me, and asked me whether the seat next to us was reserved for ladies. I checked, and sure enough it was. Then, this young, healthy girl made a middle aged man get up from his seat, by insisting that since it was reserved for ladies, he-man had to give his seat up to her. He grudgingly got up, and that was that. A few minutes later, we passed by some boutiques, and really jazzy stores, with even jazzier window displays. Many had lacy pink/ white/ black frill lingerie displayed; Oh, what an eyesore but he-man didn't think so. He was unashamedly looking at them, and he had the ' Oh i havent had sex in a...

Tell me if you like it/ hate it or share some of your superior blog re modelling skills. I was tired of the black.

Yesterday, someone from the imports section came over to our cubicle, sputtering and choking and laughing his guts out. I wondered what happened, probably the poor guy succumbed to the pressure and bitching and lost his sanity, but the reason wasn't that plausible, when he actually told us what happened. One of his customers was in a real quandary, and needed help. The problem ? A COW ATE HIS DELIVERY ORDER ! I don't know about ROTFLMAO, but i think i jammed my keyboard with all the laughing. Happens only in India, no ?

I have finally gotten around to cleaning my messy house. Which is victory in itself since a messy house reflects my messy mind, and the mind is slowly getting rid of all the cobwebs gathered. Somehow I'm missing home more than ever today. I yearn to touch my old bookshelf, sleep on my bed, run to the hall, switch the AC on, and watch T.V. I don't want to even call home, since i opened my bottle of body lotion yesterday and the smell reminded me so much of home, it actually was like a physical pain, deep in my stomach, and for a moment i was back home, lying on the couch, reading a book, waiting for Dad to get back home. The weekend was ok.I went out with friends despite not having any prior plans, watched The Full Monty, oh Dear Lord, that movie rocked. Every time i go to a restaurant now I'll hope some nice men get onto the table and strut their stuff :D I Can't even remember who i used to be three years ago. Somehow today my ideas are more formed, and definite, and i ...

I was checking out people's profiles on Orkut, its one of those random things i love to do. Some people write such interesting stuff! Like this one guy, whose things that turn him off are apparently things that are unnecessarily turned on ! LOL ! I watched The Namesake yesterday. Went out with one pal, one of the few people i think i'm changin my mind about now. Stupid me makes such presumptions about the loveliest people really. The Namesake - I think I'm glad i didn't read the book before i watched the movie. I could watch the movie without constantly nitpicking, comparing, contradicting and finishing by being disappointed and absolutely annoyed at the Director. Well made, and Deepa Mehta has used subtle nuances to enhance what the author probably wrote about. Kal Penn portrays Gogol Ganguli well. Strangely though, i fell in love with Tabu. She was wonderful. the accent, the expressions, even the way she carried her Sari, made me remember simba's mum in some stra...

J dropped off the Nasik pics. I have decided to go on a diet, exercise, die, anything! but try and lose all this lovely flab. I'm learning nice new things, shiny technorati stuffs you sees in my blogses now na. Ive lost a friend, and the thought saddens me. But i think i respect myself too much to let petty thoughts trouble me. I got new chuddi buddi no.... Kwisu :D I miss Choi. I wish i had beaten him up the last time he was down. Sad really. Ahhh...Im hungry, pray that i do stick to my new fad please. I listened to Backstreet boys today :D Ha! i know i should go drown in a tub of tomato soup, but i was just missing childhood and home so much (yes i had a lovely warped boyband crush, titanic tears, Enid Blyton books, Five running away together and Nancy Drew in College Childhood.) Happy i was. Sigh! Onward to better things. Bitching and Gnawing, Amnesia and angels, lack of fear, loss of faith, Insomnia, coffee and missing Mama, All three C's, Love in a puppy's eyes and a ...

OHKIE.. My name is Marjorie. Thats MAR as in MARch, JO as in JOe, RIE as in REEL. I really can't stand anyone mutilating my name again. I will have to hack the next person who does that into itsy bitsy tiny little pieces and stuff him/ her in a carton and ship it off to Uganda. I normally have people calling me MAdhuri, which is a sick Indianised version of my apparently tongue twisting name, oh then there's Mortuary, and yes, its mortifying, for those who know the meaning, you'll know why. There's Manjari, which sounds so Mallu i could weep, then there's ahh...,Margarine, which, buttery and yummy as it may be, ITS NOT MY EFFING NAME ! A week back though, i reached the zenith of mortifying name mutilation. Someone asked for Miss Mongini's :'(. Monginis is a lovely chain of cake shops, but oh hell, sweet tooth et all, i really do not want to be named after a cake shop!! And the worst bit was whenever i told any of my friends about it, they LAUGHED. Grrrrrr. A...

Today was a holiday, and i spent it usefully. I slept, woke up awfully early( i have no clue why i wake up early on holidays) ...ate, slept, chatted, surfed, prayed, went to the bank, prayed again, ate, slept, chatted, surfed, and gave my laundry dirty looks. :D ...

A very (once upon a time) close friend lost her dad today. I was numb from the shock. Half the day went by without me thinking, doing everything mechanically, wondering how I'd cope. I was crying, wishing i could be there with her, and her family. Though as usual i was at a loss for words, and its a wonder i didn't bawl my heart out at work and bite someone's head off. I missed my family more than ever, and threw caution (and my job) to the winds, by chatting with close friends. I spoke to my best friend after ages, and it was like there never was any distance. I spoke to another wonderful friend after ages too, not desultory, defunct conversation, but actually spoke a mile a minute, and then spoke about friends there to share i each other's soys and jorrows. THATS how fast i was speaking lol! It's a tragedy how it takes a death for me to get back in touch with all those people who once meant the world to me and who i don't have the time for now, except perhaps ...

Sometimes when I come home from work, I open the door, switch on the lights, anD talk to my house. Its so disheartening to come home to an empty place, bereft of laughter, squabbles, and most of all, no one to welcome you home. Its bad when you've had a bad day, and need a shoulder to cry on, or a brother to scream at and relieve your pent up frustration, but its worse when you're happy, and theres no one to share it with. I yearn for a pet dog. Its this constant ache. I even feed the strays near my house, and there's this one adorable dog with a limp, whom I've named Caramel, because her eyes are so soulful. And gooey. Pic flicked from here . Lovely.

I was in the cab on the way to work. If I don’t suffer from the Monday blues, it’s the Monday hunger pangs, but yes, in the cab, when I saw this truCk. The back(side) of the truck to be precise, and it had this LOVELY inscription in Hindi, painted in white. TruCkS always fascinate me, on account of my dream job which is to be a truck driver and traverse all over India and eat at the numerous Dhabas along the way, but ahhh, No more meandering, back to the Truck. This was what was written in Hindi. ‘ GHAR SE BEGHAR HOON, RAASTE SE BAHUT DOOR HOON, JEETA HOON ISILLIYE KE KISI KE MAANG KA SINDOOR HOON’ I like. You like ?

'What book are you reading ?' I just finished India, by Jim Corbett. Now i want to run away to the jungle and skin a leopard. Oh, actually, I'd rather spend the night with a tiger instead. 'Get serious for once. What do you plan to read next? Life is so boring now, i need a good book to dispel this lethargy ya. Need to put myself to sleep every night also. Nothign to do na' You mean you want an excuse to live someone else's life, try making your own a little liveable won't you. Put yourself to sleep indeed ! 'Oh, please, keep your views to yourself, just answer the question, whats next. Which book are you going to eat and shred to bits in your nasty little brain.' Oh, next i plan to read Lolita, by Vladimir somebody. Nobok soemthing, i forgot. I love Russian Literature.Have you read Karenina ? Greatest love story ever. Nothign like that awful Romeo and Juliet. But yes Karenina. Superb ! 'You WHAT ?' I love Russian literature. And please read ...

Artwork courtesy Uzma Ali. Fantabulous. Please hire her for your newspapers/ mags/Animaxing/ Brownie making.

Money ruins friendships. Unless its your daddy, the friend not only ends up in your list of to be hated forever and ignored, but also, oh my God, He/ She so used me. Want to be surrounded by your regular fan club ? Dont lend, dont borrow. When you lend someone money, you tend to think of your borrowee (im using my blogatic license) but yes, you tend to think of your borrowee as scum. The filth that surrounds your pretty ballerina studs. and ahh, when you borrow money, all you want to do is hide your face and die . i presume. Not good that. Btw Ma, i KNOW you read my blog. How else would you know about the Brownies ? But please, i really meant what i said, i'm going to pretend that noone knows who i am, or that noone reads this anyways, and that applies to all you A's, B's, C's, D's and Dh's that i know. How else will I ever bitch about everyone to everyone and about life to just myself, laugh, mock, scorn, cry and just live atleast a tiny part of my life all to ...

Yesterday i had it out with my Boss. She fought and i whimpered. yeah so she had it out with me. I'm no chicken but ...oh well, it was my mistake. Apparently we have soemthing called a KPI, which i shall call the Key Pissingoff Index which measures every team's performance. This also decides whether members of that team deserve a promotion. And ha ! Now i know why the dragon was so mad at me. Her salary was getting affected by the things i did NOT do. :D blah ! I wish i was in Goa enjoying the carnival, and courting another bout of jaundice while i leisurely ate chouris pao and all the other unmentionables.

Today was horrible. As usual, nothing new. But i guffawed quiet a bit. I had a colleague ask me to delete something which appeared 'twisely' in the document. And condescending B***h that i am, i replied back, i have deleted the ____ that appeared twisely, now it only shows onsely. !!!! I wonder why is it that people love praise so much. I'm so intensely private that i hate it when people mistake my freindliness for this sort of sign that says' come on in, walk all over me, prod me for everything and treat me like sirt' well...i'm just private. i love my privacy. Being an extrovert, i still don't like people trodding on my toes. PS : despite the jaundice, i had a brownie for dessert after my awful no oil, no spice food. i DONT regret it. And no, there was no icecream :(

There are times when i feel like writing about the people i know, and what i think of them, and why i feel the way i do about something they did, said, or just because of who they are. And then i stop myself, because i know that most of them somehow read my blog and oops! Some of my thoughts are not to be written down for posterity since not everyone has a liver that cna digest 'lohe ke moongfali' to quote my bhaiyya neighbour. lol ! But then again i could say 'A' did this, or i met 'B' the other day. Ha ! as if they wouldnt know who it was i was referring to. And what happens when i have two acquaintances sharing the same initials ? So for a while i'm going to pretend none of you cherished few who read my blog - read my blog. And i shall rant and rave and bitch, oh - and when you meet me pretend you never know what exactly i think about you despite being so sweet and patient to your face. I've never denied that i'm the greatest hypocrite , atleast, ...

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Ha! I’ll show them woman scorned. How dare he deny me my basic rights? Even after all I’d done for him. To put a cog in the wheels of commerce, unthinkable! That too for a simple Maggi, masala flavoured, and none of that God – awful Atta noodles please…. But let me elucidate. I’d gone down for a walk, since I was so bored no thanks to that darn doc, with his cheerful, opaque, obstinate fat headedness insisting that I’m not fit for public consumption i.e. inflicted with the jaundicees, I shallses not be traipsing aboutses with a happy soul bereft of worry. Back to the walk. While I was getting ready, with a little bit of cash, my pal says, hello! Get me some Maggi while you’re at it. I say ok. I go to the local kirana, posh, stocked with some of the best goods Cadbury’s has to offer, flush with the good stuff. So I say, uncle, Maggi please. He gapes at me like Mopy the moping goldfish, and says, but you have jaundice! No Maggi for you! It’s not go...