Monday, July 21, 2008


One of my favourite poets Ogden Nash once said, and I quote; "Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest."

I empathize.

I had this awful gap where my molar or premolar or one of those teeth that help me chew those steaks was supposed to be. It had stubbornly resisted the onslaught of beef, gum, chocolates, and what not, and the root refused to dislodge from wherever it was comfortably sitting. This led to an awful stench, every time i opened my mouth it smelt like the backwaters of Bombay so i just had to have it extracted. Off i went, skippety hoppety to the dentist.

Now, I'm very stoic, and sweet and even tempered. The milk of human kindness runs in my veins like the Ganges, perennial and with a constant stream of people doing their best to wash their dirty linen in it. But, but, BUT, that dentist really tried my patience, and how.

He took one look at my mouth and said, 5 fillings 1 extraction. Today we remove, and tomorrow we fill in.

I said ok. I mean i know the routine of ice cream after extraction. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a glutton, but thing is, nowadays, every time i open my mouth to eat something, everyone looks at me like I'm depriving entire Somalia of a months rations. I really need to lose the flab.

So, back to the dentist. After injecting me with anesthesia, he cleans it up and pulls it out. Even with the shots, it hurt. I stoically refused to scream.

One hour later the throbbing begins. I paid the b******* to hurt me. I will never ever eat chocolates, and forget to brush my teeth at night ever again, i promise myself. The missing tooth throbs. And throbs.

We go to watch Kung Fu Panda. The tooth throbs so much that i threaten the kid sitting next to me in the theater, "You say one more word and I'll shove my fingers in your mouth and take out all your teeth." The kid gets terrified, and shuts up. For the rest of the movie.

Next day, the fillings. He digs and prods, and cleans. I think to myself, this is how I'm going to die, mouth wide open and my silent screams echoing in my head. On this chair. Doesn't happen. He fills the stuff in. So much ceramic its like a crockery outlet inside my mouth. He asks me to snap my jaws. I do so, imagining i was a crocodile, and it was his head that i was snapping.

I go home, finish the rest of the tub of ice cream.

A week later, i forget to brush my teeth before bed again.

Please read that poem. You will be in splits.


.a. said...

I've just come from the dentist. No, Not me, My granny infact!
I have heard her yelling and screaming and wondered myself sitting in her place, I wondered if I would scream like her? or in other way, How much pain can I tolerate. specifically when it is mental and emotional alike?

I had my tonsils operation when I was 14 yrs, and I loved the ice-cream tubs that followed it.. although, I loved your post. specially the somalia effect ;)

Its quite an active blog! keep writing :)

and thankyou for all the comments on my pieces.

.a. said...

ps. the breaking promises to self was nice in a sadist way. I never obey promises I make to myself, To takecare of myself, I hope one day I do that.
I hope that one day comes soon!

'You say one more word and I'll shove my fingers in your mouth and take out all your teeth.' lol. awesome!

Sandeep Balan said...

ha ha ha...good one..i was transported back in time when i had to go thru the ordeal..the icecreams after the extraction are the only thing to look ahead to...good blog yaar...will keep coming back often..humourous!

WeirdiSgooD said...

Asbah -Thank you for empathising ...glad i could make you laugh! Dentists really take you over the threshold of pain with your teeth, and then expect you to pay through your nose ;)

We all love procrastinating dont we :(

@ Sandeep - Keep coming back, my sense of humour won't go anywhere ... in fact it might get better as the situation gets worse :D

weevil girl said...

once upon a time
i had to get four fillings done. my teeth were in VERY bad shape. i convince dad to make them do two for that day, and leave the rest for the next visit.

i yell my lungs [and some ceramic] out, which only keeps them longer at it.
and by the end of it im convinced that there can be no darker hell beyond this and my poor tortured teeth kept violently wishing for a state of non existence.

the rest of the two teeth still have their cavity and their dignity and no amount of icecream-lure has helped them convince me to even face another dentist yet.

the post is muchfun, minus the painful memories of my visit.:P will check poem, sounds hilarious, it does.
oh and i sure do love your blog.:D

WeirdiSgooD said...

@Weevil girl- Thank you.

For reminding me that everyone goes through the same darn thing. I soemtimes wish that dentist guy would give me enough Aneasthesia to get me high and make the whole area numb.What fun, go home drunk n say, MA.. why wonly went dentist ...cwant tolk stwaight, mouth nwumb. :D

Dame Folle said...

I love Ogden Nash and I love that particular poem of his. We had to study it in school. Good times!
And luckily I have never had dental problems despite not brushing teeth after devouring jams, chocolates, ice creams and what not. I hope I didn't just jinx it by saying this out loud.I shall better not say anymore.
Thoroughly enjoyable post!

Dame Folle said...

I finally remembered! The poem's title is "This is going to hurt just a little bit". :-)

The Icarus Boy said...

I forgot my Nash in India. Damn you for reminding me.

Now i'm sad again.

WeirdiSgooD said...

:) Google it. You get most all his poetry,

A little Talcum
Is always Walcum.