Stoned

I'm just lost. right now. Theres this aching need to read The Fountainhead again. After all that has been happening the past few days, or perhaps, this slow metamorphosis i'm undergoing.
Too bad iv lent the book to the one person who shouldnt read it. Ever. But thats a different story.

I think, i'm losing my religion. Oh yes, there is Jesus and hes kept me alive and somewhat happy all along, and he has this divine plan where im sure ill get abundant choclate, and well..abundant love, but oh ! I dont want to go stand in church n feel like i've come there to think about my schedule, and gape at the male of the species, while soemone hashes up hymns on the keyboard and mediocre, desperate attempts to try and sound like a professional; choir, out of poure love for the church ( and want of social accolades) oh...i cant venerate, worship or genuflect amongst that. Its easier in the rush and frenzy of the market, the fish market even, to praise God for his bounty.

Is love, love, or need opf companionship, or this inane urge to subdue and exploit ? Or even to make others think of just what a marvellous person you are, because of that love...

All thats stuck in my head is Dido....See you when you're 40...I could swear she is my twin..and she doesnt even know it !

I've driven round in circles for three hours
It was bound to happen that I'd end up at yours
I temporarily forgot there's better days to come
I thought that I would give it just one more chance
Cos' I want, tonight, what I've been waiting for
But I found, tonight, what I'd been warned about
You think you are complicated,
Deep mystery to all,Well it’s taken me a while to see,
You’re not so special.

All energy, no meaning,With a lot of words,
So paper thin that one real feeling,Could knock you down.
And I've seen, tonight, what I'd been warned about
I'm gonna leave, tonight, before I change my mind

So see you when you’re forty,
Lost and all alone,
Being comforted by strangers,you'll never need to know,
Not sad because you lost me,
But sad because you thought it was cool,To be sad.

You think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd.
If you had walked past me today,
I wouldn’t have picked you out,
I wouldn’t have picked you out,
Wouldn’t have picked you out.

Now I’ve seen tonight,
How could I waste my time?
And I’ll be on my way,And I won’t be back

Cuz I’ve seen tonight,
What I’ve been warned about,
You’re just a boy, not a man;
and I’m not coming back,
And I’m not coming back,