Its been a long time since I've even thought about writing or poetry, or even reading a good story. Nowadays everything is about instant gratification for me, from literature, to movies, to food.
And therein lies the problem.
Somewhere along the way, after moving continents, and cleaving onto someone, and then have someone cleaving unto me (that mollusc is now 5, but still I don't think it will detach until college); I seem to have lost my identity.
I have lost ambition, I cannot see the woods because the trees are all in the way!
I've put on a lot of weight, given up on self enrichment, I worry constantly about financial stability and obsess over facebook posts by other people (most of whom love expensive holidays), and I've just become a sort of mess.
This post is about my decision to reclaim myself, from all that I have become.
I'm not saying these past years and the many good things they have wrought in my life do not matter. They are amazing, all these life experiences that you gather in the process of day to day living, little gems that you unearth whilst you're making dinner for the nth time, or whilst you're binge watching Netflix whilst someone is constantly chiming "Mama, Mama, Mama, Mamaaaa!! Look me, look me" on repeat.
However, I am unhappy with some aspects of my life, and i seem to be taking this out on my family and the very few friends I seem to have retained, thus the decision to step away and make some changes. I will use this blog as a sort of diary where I can audit myself.
Weight loss is going to be a BIG part of this change.
Self care is going to be even bigger.
So today, my two tasks I will do for myself are 1) Complete 10000 steps and 2) Skip dinner and no food after 8pm.
I will not put this off.
This entire lockdown because of the Coronavirus has let me work from home for the first time in all these years I have worked, it has let me spend some quality time with my family, and it has helped me realize I need to find contentment again, which will not happen unless I am happy with myself.
Cheers to me!