Ideasyncrasies

Small things make me happy. Or rather...Make me laugh.. Saw this really hot guy from the bus in the morning on the way to coll. So I stared. Unashamedly. Not wantonly...But ahh :P And then he smiled !!! At me !!! whoa....HOT ...I felt the usual beginnings of a drool...Or rather..Unusual...Its really rare that I would drool over such charming eye candy... Then while waiting at churchgate stn for another bus...(darn but I hate Indian infrastructure..Or the lack of it ), I saw this bus...With lotsa crows perched on it... And it was ambling along leisurely with the crows having their Annual General Body Meeting atop it.. Oh made me smile... So I went for that interview..Or rather..Aptitude test at TSMG. Nice office ...Plush...Or rather...Not plush...Very nice though I cant find the right word... And gave the test. Nice test too... Analysis of situations...And a horrid business aptitude test which I had fun with. And after I endured all the horrid cramps ...(Its been 2 crampy days ) And amb...

So , today. I'm getting disoriented. I know what i have to do, and yet.... i don't want to do it. Back to the phase where i know just what is right and wrong or maybe lukewarm and nothing or noone can force me to do something i JUST don't want to do. Okay. So i need a kick up the seat of my pants. or perhaps.... just a neat little cosh on my head, a tiny bump might just do the trick...Why oh WHY am i letting this happen again? Me, independent little sweet little practical little effervescently cute and oh so adorable little me. Yep, im trying sooo hard to tell myself that im wonderful. no other reason to survive otherwise. What with my not feeling good enough for all the people who care.I hate guilt trips. I hate myself for feeling like im worthy of guilt...It s bad when you do something or procrastinate without prior knowledge, but when ur a know it all and u STILL do it... ahhh then u definitely deserve all thats coming to you, and more.

I should be re - christened Frozen pork chop.... So it could be my love of food.... Which is definitely NOTHING compared to my absolute adoration of chocolate.... or it could be that im rather carnivorous ( not the man -eating types though) sorry to disappoint you Dee... but its just Pork chop coz i pig out, eating seems rather a good way to preoccupy my brain, and stop it from telling me to go kill myself. and frozen .. well, i want to be devoid of feelings and try as i might, i feel like a screwed up humanitarian who's been taken over by the spirit of Mother Theresa and i just cant stand to see man, woman or dog in pain or want or hungry or whatever. Bolster their self confidence....let them live in their illusions...darn ! I'm getting Ayn Rand-ish again... Quirky name. Now to go do whatever I have been procrastinating about and stop writing about my quirky self. Its like i have this tic... instead of twitching my shoulder or blinking my left eye or some other random indicati...